Ugly ducklings run out of town

Sunday 16th June, King George’s Field, Ham. White Swan CC (153-7) beat St Anne’s Allstars Invitational XI (132) by 21 runs.
Scorecard

A nail-biting yet still agonising defeat. That was the story for the Ireland team against Spain that afternoon, but the Allstars went some way to matching Mick’s boys in a game where we had, perhaps, our best opportunity of a win since Bradford but, in true Allstars fashion, managed to run ourselves into defeat.

Yet this summary, like the bare scoreline of the World Cup encounter, does little justice to an Allstars performance where all 11 gave everything to run close a handy side with more than its fair share of southern hemisphere imports. For most of the 60 overs of this shortened contest, we matched a technically superior side, the game only slipping out of sight with 9 balls left.

Robbie Keane’s stoppage-time penalty in Suwon led to a delay in the start of our game (there were, quite clearly, some of our team whom a rocket wouldn’t move from in front of the TV, not least pass up the opportunity of another pint of Guinness) and a reduction to 30 overs a side. Having spent all season moaning at Maxie that we always field first, I duly followed the tradition by losing the toss and fielding. Not that I was too disheartened by letting the opposition take a first look at a pitch which eventually played somewhat better than it looked.

White Swan opened with wicket-keeper Logan and Welshman Davy Jones. Jones was, to my knowledge, the only one of their team to possess a surname, as White Swan followed in the footsteps of the Turkish football team in being referred to exclusively by their first names (as their surnames seemed a mystery even to the wives watching the game). Logan looked as though he could hit the ball an awfully long way, but he was given little opportunity as Adam Clements produced an excellent opening spell up the slope. Bowling his 6 overs off the reel, he conceded just 14 runs as the White Swan openers struggled to get the ball off the square. For once, Adam couldn’t just blame others for his going wicketless, putting down a difficult caught and bowled chance in his fourth over. At the other end, Tristan Haddow-Allen began economically as the runs were kept to a trickle.

Ben Backhouse replaced Tristan at the tennis court end and showed glimpses of why he topped the bowling averages last season, troubling both openers with the awkward bounce he extracted from the pitch. Logan slowly gathered momentum, picking off the odd loose ball that came his way.

At the other end, the first doctor to grace the hallowed Allstars shirt gave a bowling display of clinical precision. Hugh Lemonde barely put a foot wrong on his Allstars debut as he conceded a miserly 7 runs in his 6 overs. Yet the wickets still refused to come as I grassed an awkward, ankle-high catch at mid-off.

The breakthrough didn’t come until the 18th over, and its instigator surprised himself as much as anyone else. My first over was wayward and had gone for its usual 10. But Davy Jones, frustrated no doubt by the accurate bowling from the other end, charged down the pitch in my second and missed by a distance, leaving Simon Begley with the easiest of stumpings. Four balls later, Kelly played over a straight ball and had his middle stump knocked back. Soon Logan, attempting to up the tempo, gave Hugh a well-earned wicket as Roger Pordes took a smart catch at extra cover to dismiss the big man six short of his fifty.

Mike Bovill began a little nervously as he struggled to find the right length in his first over. Yet his second will be remembered as the greatest in Allstars history as he cut through the White Swan middle order like his medical pal’s knife. First, (their) Mike hit high towards mid-on. He probably breathed a sigh of relief when he saw who was under the catch, but had clearly reckoned without the ball nestling in my sweater and dropping into my grateful hands to complete the unlikely dismissal of caught Duncan bowled Bovill. Then, DeWitt was beaten in the flight as he came down the track to Mike’s “mystery ball” (even he doesn’t know what it is) and Simon smartly claimed his second stumping of the afternoon. Mike completed a remarkable over by bowling Colin to finish with figures of 3 for 9.

Up to this point the run rate had been kept well in check, but White Swan were to produce a sting in their tail. Their main man James had hidden himself down the order at number 7, and he launched a full-scale assault on our bowling, hitting an unbeaten 41 off around 25 balls, including 2 sixes, as all the bowlers suffered at the death. Ben came back to bowl Skip (who, we can only presume, takes his nickname from the famous bush kangaroo). White Swan’s final total of 153 for 7, while it looked gettable, was maybe 15 or 20 more than it should have been.

At first it didn’t seem to matter as Andy Dyer cracked the first ball of our innings through the covers for four. Though Fats was caught behind off a good ball without adding to his score, Simon Begley also hit his first ball for four as he took the game to the White Swan attack, determined to make someone pay for his countrymen’s defeat. Scratch was batting quite beautifully when he chased a wide ball from Jim and was well taken at second slip by Davy Jones. Next ball, Jim fired one through Ben Backhouse’s defences and we were in trouble at 32 for 3.

Josh Ryan-Collins came in and immediately looked to play shots. While he didn’t middle everything, when he did connect the ball sped away to the boundary. Meanwhile, Tristan Haddow-Allen continued to play solidly, playing some fine cuts and drives as the score advanced to 60.

Then came the first of the disasters that had “Made by Allstars” stamped all over it. Josh played a no-ball from DeWitt out past extra cover and comfortably completed a single. A second run looked straightforward, but the first of several lively mid-pitch discussions ended up with Tristan’s departure as both batsmen ran to the same end.

Until that calamity, Tristan and Josh had done much to repair the early damage, but by the time Hugh Lemonde strode to the wicket, the run rate had by then climbed to 7 an over. Maybe, after seeing some of our running, the good doctor decided it was best to deal in boundaries as he dissected the White Swan attack, hitting 5 fours and 2 massive sixes in his 33. The target was down to 48 at less than a run a ball by the time Kelly produced a superb ball to bowl him.

Hugh’s dismissal sparked the now familiar collapse. Josh saw his stumps knocked back in Kelly’s next over having batted well, if not without the odd chance, for his 28. Then, Roger was given out LBW as he went forward to White Swan skipper Andy. The batsmen, seemingly oblivious to the decision, had practically completed a run by the time Tristan finally raised his finger. Mike Bovill became our second run out casualty of the afternoon and Nick Molden became Kelly’s third victim in successive overs, and 107 for 4 had become 118 for 9.

Seeing me striding to the wicket, White Swan rightly decided the game was over and brought on their wicket-keeper Logan for a bowl. All too briefly, we threatened to make them pay for their cockiness as I swatted him through mid-off for four and Adam hit a sumptuous pull shot for six over mid-wicket. Mike excitedly relayed ball-by-ball coverage to Maxie in his commentary box at Old Trafford as the target inched closer.

But the game finished in true Allstars fashion, with a comical run-out. Adam stood bemused at the keeper’s end as I dithered about the second. We could have ran three or four (well, maybe ...) in the time it took to make my mind up, but by then the bails had been whipped off and we had lost by 21 runs.

White Swan were magnanimous in victory and treated us at their pub to the best tea since Newark. Definitely a fixture to repeat next year. Maybe by then we’ll have learned the words “Yes”, “No” and “Wait”.

Garreth Duncan