Sunday September 2nd

Bradford: Salem Athletic CC beat St Anne's Allstars Invitational XI by four wickets. Scorecard

A far more competitive affair than our last two matches, the Allstars paid the price for some careless batting, despite producing the side's best bowling and fielding display of the summer.

The target of 168 had seemed reasonably competitive at first, until Salem Athletic's superior strokeplay put things into perspective, the Yorkshiremen cruising home with more than ten overs to spare.

Nick Jones and debutant Gary Burchett both ran in hard to claim two wickets each, but ultimately the bowlers had too few runs to play with.

Admittedly, the home side had the better of the conditions, as an initially slow, low pitch proved easier for batting as it dried out.

This was demonstrated towards the end of our innings when two rather unlikely batting heroes - Adam Clements and the captain - shared a magnificent ninth wicket stand of 27.

At least I think it was 27. The scorecards for this match are almost completely incomprehensible and appear to have been filled out by Stevie Wonder and George from Rainbow. This has rendered large parts of this match report total guesswork. The blame for this rests squarely with one man: Tom Everest. He was very reasonably asked if he would travel 500 miles from Mortlake to Bradford and back to act as scorer, and refused, thus throwing a huge spanner in the works. This represents an act of monumental irresponsibility and selfishness.

Tom missed an historic occasion, as this was the first ever St Anne's Allstars fixture to take place near the former home of a convicted mass murderer. The house once owned by Peter and Sonia Sutcliffe is just over the fence from the far end of the ground, about twenty yards from the boundary.

I cracked a few jokes with the locals about their celebrity ex-neighbour ("what did he order in the club bar - a screwdriver?") but these met with a disappointing reaction, thereby confirming my view of Yorkshiremen as dour and humourless.

This match was the first this season when we've batted first. This was not down to the toss. Instead at the appointed start time, four of us were being driven around Leeds council estates at eighty miles an hour by a lunatic taxi driver.

As we only had seven players present, it was decided to dispense with the toss and we would have first dig.

The aforementioned cab driver did not have a terribly good grasp of English, and misunderstanding our stated destination, he drove us merrily in the wrong direction for twenty five minutes. After we became aware of this error and turned the cab round, the driver tried to make up for mistake by flooring the accelerator.

He rather overcompensated, although we were impressed with his handbrake turns and ability to slam on the brakes at the very last moment. It was with some relief that we eventually stumbled - white faced and trembling - from the taxi on to the lush green turf on Salem Athletic CC's ground.

We were just in time to witness the fall of our first wicket. In Joe Johnson's last innings he made a first ball duck, a performance which obviously merited a promotion to opener. This time he lasted three balls, the last of which evaded his heaving bat and rattled his stumps.

This brought in debutant Simon Begley, who looked impressive as he and Tristan Haddow-Allen added 35 for the second wicket. Both players made the best of difficult batting conditions, with the pitch slow and the ball refusing to come on to the bat. It generally kept low, although the odd one leapt wildly off a length.

Salem's attack was efficient if unspectacular, with the exception of off spinner Bonner. He extracted prodigious turn from an otherwise unresponsive wicket. One big off break accounted for Begley, keeping low and gating him as he played forward.

Scratch was one of two ringers we had recruited for this fixture (how many ringers do we need to actually win - eleven?). Simon is a proper cricketer who played for Kent Under 19s, while Gary Burchett played junior level for no less a side than New South Wales. Gary was next man in and played some pleasing shots before he became Bonner's second victim. This time the ball ripped square - pitching outside off and hitting leg.

Begley had now become the square leg umpire, replete with a glass of claret. This led to an unusual incident when he signalled to the dressing room and a man ran out, not with spare gloves or water, but the wine bottle to give him a refill.

Watching Andy Dyer batting, you can only think his childhood hero was Chris Tavare. He is something of a grinder by nature and this time he eked out ten characteristically unspectacular runs before being caught at mid on by Salem's ten year old fielder.

Nick Jones is more of a crowd pleaser, and he batted with his usual fluent aplomb, striking three boundaries on the way to 23. But again he provided a snack when the team needed a feast and his departure - holing out to long on - left the tail with a big job to do.

Meanwhile Tristan was steadily accumulating runs at the other end, eventually falling four runs short of his third fifty of the season. This was his best innings of the summer - with two splendid drives through long on and long off to augment his staple cut shot. His 88 minute innings encompassed 77 balls and 7 fours.

He had begun, however, with a piece of good fortune. Plumb LBW at the start of his innings, the charitable home side's fielders decided "we aren't playing LBWs".

His brother Felix played nicely before his very unlucky dismissal - bowled by one which pitched on a length and rolled along the ground on to the stumps.

Kieron Dolphin had won many admirers with his seminal first ball duck at Newark. This time he launched his first ball down the ground for three. Undeterred, he was able to offer an airshot to his eighth ball and lost his off stump.

But all this was just a warm up for the main act, as Adam Clements and I staged a magnificent partnership for the ninth wicket. This was the finest performance by the Clements-Allen axis since we famously won the Drayton Manor High School third year house championship for Shaftesbury in 1989 (a victory due entirely to my captaincy skills).

My innings got off to a bad start. Elated at my run out in our last match at Higham and Mockbeggar, I went even better here, run out off my very first ball. This resulted from what was on my part probably the poorest piece of calling in the entire history of the game. I hit the ball straight to the fielder at short mid off and immediately started running. Adam was having none of it.

Fortunately, the home side took pity on someone who had travelled 250 miles to be run out first ball, and let me carry on.

Our stand was worth 27 and I was the dominant partner, reeling off a stunning array of strokes all round the wicket. At the other end Adam flukily hit three fours and a six.

Without Adam's runs our total might have been fairly pitiful. We should really have scored more, as most of our batsmen got themselves in only to get themselves out soon afterwards.

Salem were therefore set 168 to win off 40 overs. Openers Tim White and Ali Malik made confident early progress, with runs easy to come by off the rather unpenetrative new ball attack of Adam Clements and Joe Johnson.

That said, Joe should have had an early wicket. On a day when we generally fielded well and held our catches, Dyer shelled a dolly at mid on to reprieve Ali.

Conditions were now much more helpful for batting, with the bounce truer and the ball coming on the bat rather better.

61 was already on the board before the captain made the overdue decision to bring on his principal strike bowler; the incomparable Gary Burchett. Fast and extracting good bounce, he is an excellent performer at this level and far too good for the Allstars. He hurried all the Salem batsmen and broke through with only his second ball, as Malik was beaten for pace and edged to Jones at slip.

Buoyed at actually taking the catch, Jonesy then served up his best performance with the ball since Newark, bowling with accuracy and pace. He elicited from Smith a mishit to Felix at mid on, and then held a good return catch to dismiss Yousef.

At the other end Tim White was constructing a firm foundation for victory. Combining stout defence with robust attacking strokes, he despatched our bowling with a contemptuousness which suggested he is no longer interested in getting freelance work from talkSPORT.

He had reached the boundary six times in compiling 36 before Gary eventually got the better of him, squeezing one through off his pads on to the stumps.

Wickets were falling, but rather too late, and Fiaz Akram and Nazir took up the baton with gusto. They played some super shots on their way to 26 and 33 respectively, and made mincemeat of Garreth Duncan's first over, which went for 11.

Our Northumbrian googlie merchant - recorded by the local scorer just as 'G' - soon regained his stride, however, and served up his best bowling of the summer. Improving with accuracy every delivery, he made the ball fizz off the pitch and genuinely defea the batsman. When he gated Nazir in his fourth over it was a wicket thoroughly deserved.

Akram spoiled his day by somehow getting out to Andy Dyer during his single over of the gentlest off spin seen in England since the retirement of Geoff Miller.

Six wickets had now fallen but only 25 runs were still needed when Gary Burchett was recalled in a last ditch attempt to avert defeat. He was a bit too good to actually take wickets, as the ball kept taking the edge and flying to various vacant short third man positions.

Ten were required when the captain threw the ball to Simon Begley. He promptly demonstrated his eagerness to get to the pub by conceding a six and four from his first three balls.

In the end the margin of defeat was emphatic. Salem could quote David Lloyd: "we flipping murdered 'em!".

Or was that Peter Sutcliffe?